The
Chapter 4 a
“Sure,
anything, Ivan.”
“Jon, you won’t like
this. But I’m gay.”
“No, I don’t like it
much. But I’m not surprised. Terra Lane was gay, too. It never seemed like a problem.”
“It was a problem for him,
for Terra.”
“That’s sad. He was a good fellow. But I guess he made his choice for whatever
reason. He never pestered me about it. I never quizzed him.”
“So you think it’s a choice.”
“Sure. Color me old fashioned if you like. But what you do is a choice. Even if somebody has a gun to your head, you
still have a choice. Maybe
not a good one.”
“
“Why not?”
“You’re so straight it’s
ridiculous. I’ll bet girls don’t like
you much. Never did.”
“Why not?”
“You’re so different. You scare them. Look, women like men, but women like women,
too. A man who is totally immune to men
is a threat. Women prefer men with a bit
of softness to them, a bit more tolerance.
And they want you to love them for themselves, not just because they are
women.”
“Hey. I’m tolerant.”
“No you’re not. You’re just intolerant of intolerance. That’s different.”
“I guess I’ll have to take
your word on it. So
“I thought it was an insult.”
“An insult
to you?”
“Yes. I mean if he was gay because his genes were
screwed up, where did that put me? He
didn’t love me because he chose to. He
was forced into it. I was like taking
advantage of his weakness. That made me feel like crap and feel like he didn’t care.”
“Now you’re thinking like a
woman. No offence of course.”
“Of course. For a woman it’s
all about me. Any outside world that
doesn’t revolve around me is some sort of mechanical, empty horror.”
“Well, I guess that about
sums the world up. All right them. You’re gay and I’m not. If you don’t crimp my style I won’t crimp
yours. It’s no big deal.”
“But it was a big deal for
him,
“For me, I mean. I’m sure it’s important to you.”
“Jon do you ever have dreams
about women?”
“Do I ever dream about
anything else?”
“I mean real dreams at
night.”
“Sure. Everybody has those.”
“With
women, right? There are women in your dreams, and you want
them, maybe even get them.”
“Sure.”
“Well I have dreams like that
about men.”
“Yuk. I mean I’m sorry. I’m just glad I don’t.”
“And I wish I didn’t. But I do.
I always have. It’s like wired
into me.”
“All right. I
understand. But begging your pardon it
really is not a problem for me.”
“
“A couple,
maybe.”
“Out of how many boys you
knew?”
“A couple hundred I
guess.”
“And adults in your town?”
“Well there was this one
strange guy with a reputation.”
“And how much time did you
spend thinking about gay guys? Or
excluding them because they were gay?”
“None at
all.”
“So they weren’t pretending
to be straight. They would have had to
learn to pretend, to be forced into it.
And if you weren’t forcing them to pretend to be straight, then nobody
else was.”
“Their
parents, maybe.”
“Jon.”
“Right. Yes, it would
be their peers who would set the standards on things like that. And we didn’t do it because by and large it
wasn’t there to be done.”
“So you reckon there was one percent gay in your generation and maybe one in the
whole town for your parents’ generation.”
“Put that way, sure.”
“Do you have any idea how
many gay men there are now?”
“Ten
percent?”
“At least. Probably a lot more.”
“Styles sure change.”
“It isn’t a style. I tell you it’s wired in.”
“So you are reckoning we have
our genes all screwed up.”
“
“WHAT?”
“That’s what he says. The man’s talking extinction.”
“All right,” said
“Terra says no, extinct long
before that. He said it’s all the same
process. Falling birth rate, falling
sperm count, more gays. Long before the
sperm count is zero the birth rate will be zero. And you don’t read a lot of stories about
people remarking that it had been years since a baby was born, I mean in
ancient history; so long before the birth rate is zero the civilization
falls. And it’s notorious that the most
capable people have the fewest children, so our civilization will fall long
before that. He was talking fifty or
sixty years, Jon. Fifty or sixty years
before Western civilization tanks and the few survivors go extinct with no
children.”
“The rest of the world will
start to get kind of hungry without the kind of agriculture the West can
maintain,”
“He said it wouldn’t make any
difference in the long run. The world
birth rate is already falling. They’re
only about fifty years behind us anyway.”
“And so he said that the
human race is going extinct, and you took it as a personal insult.”
“You don’t know how bad I
feel.”
“Well don’t. Look.
You didn’t do any of this. Nothing
you did or failed to do is going to make us extinct. Ready to go in now and meet
women?”
“This is where
“There’s the card her
grandmother gave us.”
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